Unspoken Verses

 So a lot of things happened. I am not sure where I left you guys the last time, but here's some updates. I have now been working at my big tech company for about 4 years. The plan was to do it for 3 years, then get out and work on something more meaningful to me. But there were a few more things that happened in between. I got into yoga and meditation big time for about 2 years.  It was the kind of getting into yoga and meditation, where people meet you after a few months, and do not recognize you, because you look different, you talk different, and you generally have a different air about you. I was deep enough, that I would wake up at 3:40 am everyday and sometimes be doing 2-3 hours of yoga a day before going into work. This one time I went 5 days while eating about 3 oranges, and 1 lunch -> that too was mainly because I got tired of the fact that I wasn't hungry. I also remember sitting at work one day looking very intently at my skip manager, and suddenly seeing the c...

Depression is not about being sad. Well, it's as much about being sad as having a cold is about sneezing. Sure, that's the most obvious symptom. But trying to fix depression by trying to make someone laugh or feel a bit better is about as effective as putting a finger under the nose to stop the sneezing. Okay, crappy analogy, sure, but the point I'm trying to drive is, that the very obvious sadness is just a consequence or a symptom of a deeper rooted problem. And the deeper rooted problem is that of disconnect. The kind of disconnect that prevents you from getting truly involved with life. Whether it comes from feeling that you're worse off than everything around you, or way smarter/better than everything around you. The result is the same. This lack of involvement in your life means, that all solutions that are tried, to pull you out, become ineffective because of the distance you maintain from everything. After everything passes, whether it's a great social...

So this isn't a typical post which compares the two sexes and/or pits them up against each other, or their behaviour or so. I am a man, and a man's head is all I perceive, then again, there may be no such thing.. maybe it's people of different types. But there are certainly, some gender roles, women have broken out of many, but not men, and I don't think the male ego itself allows them to. So the idea that I'm walking towards is, vulnerability. I think, on their own, alone, single, men do/did not feel many things. There is a shield. You know, like rocks in a vessel of water, you throw it in, it makes a few waves, that bounce back from the vessel, and calm out soon enough. Men, who could be warriors, fighters, because, they had been able to, with the help of anger or sadness be insensitive, or numb to others, to their own pain, to not have compassion, to be, animalistic and fiery and merciless. To numb out their own pain into anger. And yet, inevitably, the wo...

I think its amazing, how your ability to procrastinate is like 93847123746 times more during exams. Thats not a random number, I really mean that the ability to procrastinate increases, ninety three billion eight hundred four seventy one million one hundred twenty three thousand seven hundred and forty six times. I mean seriously. Like right about now, I came up with a random number, spent time trying to figure out what that number was, wrote it in words, and then lied that it wasn't actually random. I mean sometime back, I was so bored, that I decided to search google for google. I kinda hoped it would show a page saying, dude, wth? But it didn't. Google just looked itself up on the internet. Its kinda like goin to a person named bazingadoa: hey bazingadoa, who's bazingadoa? I used that name, cuz its not a very common name. The reason probably being that its not a name. Anyway, I sound high on sugar. I should go and atleast attempt to study. Bye.

I'm a mad man. I swear to God I'm crazy. Honestly. Right now I'm talking specifically relationships wise, although that statement would probably hold true in many other scenarios too! So to start off, I'm a commitment phobe. But I'm not your normal kind of commitment phobe - the ones who are afraid of being tied down to a single person for an incredibly long time - nope, I'm not that. I'm commitment phobic cuz my mind, which is rather smart (and basically practical) knows that almost no relationship at this age will actually last through and I hate the ending part, so I'm actually a commitment phobe cuz I hate break ups. Sweet innit? ( But this is valid, only until the time that I haven't gotten into a relationship. After I get into one, I'm a girl. I also exaggerate a million times.) Now, if I hate break ups, I must tend to not let go of a relationship after a break up right? Like I must be the kind who tries to hold on? Right.. Except that'...

He looked up at the dark sky as the stars shone. He needed some heat to clear the cold in his bones. Those are suns too, he knew. And the moon reflected the sun too. And so he decided to have his spirit renewed- What else could he do? There's not really a God over you. And to couple that spirit with hope, That maybe someday he would swing the rope. [Dear Diary 1]

He has neither the strength to fight Nor the guts to take away his life All he sees is the dark, so black and deep And failure, so stark and steep He holds back but at times he weeps, Cuz his spirit is completely broke He can't take no more Its all far too gore. [Dear Diary 2]

He sits there satisfied With what, I know not He stares back smiling, His time whiling Is he really stupidly dumb? His mind uselessly numb? Does he not understand the consequences of inaction? Or are the wheels of his brain just facing too much traction? If the latter, Then from what, I know not. An idiot in my head is all I got. I'd sent him to difficulty as I sought Something better from him, an achiever maybe But all I found was a stupid baby Lacking self control in food in study, Walkin towards waters dark and muddy. I wish I could merge with him, To understand that brain so dim. Or maybe there's nothing to comprehend, Without his brain, he just got sent here.

So screwed up in my head I don't even need the bed Cuz shit jus gets to you oh whatcha gonna do? My head is twirlin fast As i look back to the past My flag's been at half mast I don't even wanna last I have no clue what life Has further in my strife I'm lookin for a knife To slit my throat open I don't know how more i'll bend To serve life its wishes Or are they really mine? I think i need some wine I'm still screwed in my head No, I don't even need a bed Yes, that is what i said. My eyes are now seein red And maybe my cut head Lying down on the ground There's silence all around No, not a single sound I finally feel unbound There's blood flowin all around Paintin scarlet this ground I still feel good unbound Bliss may be what I've found Cuz there is no more sound Bliss is what I've found. I'm finally unbound. I start to hear a sound The sound of silence. It starts to get more dense I'm goin beyond the fence I still don't need ...

I'm like bored. I wanna talk crap. Somethin somethin ored, somethin somethin ap. I'm really amazin at makin stuff rhyme. somethin somethin azing somethin somethin yme. I dunno what next I could maybe write No more somethin somethin No more even rhyme. I once saw a cat I then wore a hat And picked up a bat lying on the mat running was the cat but it was too fat yesterday I gave SAT I even saw a rat He was very fat I do love to chat. * Bows to the applause *

Ok. People here are pretty fucked messed up. I have decided to keep my blog clean of bad words( see the Heck in capitals in the Bansal Classes post? That had been a 4 letter word with the letters f, u, and k in it. And no, it wasn't 'Funk') but then few other words would describe it more suitably. Now you'd probably expect me to elaborate right? Its too much typing yaar, jus take it cuz I said it na? I mean if you really were that much of an analytical-wanna-know-proof-scienceboy/girl, you'd have been here in this stupid git of a place with me. (ok thats really not true, but if you didn't notice I'm irritated and irrational right now. Oh and its like fun. Infact I'm trying not to get carried away with the feel good factor and am actually refraining from passin comments about one more coolio right now, cuz the coolio reads this dumb blog.) Anyway, so in the class, this sheet of paper had fallen on the floor from the girls' desk(all the girls sit in t...

21 Sept 09 So I'm sick. No, not in the metaphorical sense. I have a bit of fever. Its called havin -it-will-make-u-stop- givin -a-crap-bout-the- conc -of-H+ ions-in-a-0.2 Molar-ammonium chloride-solution. Thats why I'm not finding the answer to that question right now. Its the fever. From my side, I'm highly committed. So anyway, 1st n foremost, I wanna show my gratitude and alarm to all u folks reading this blog (yes, both of you.) Gratitude, cuz I didn ' actually expect anyone to read it (and special thanks to smelly cat for her appreciation of the poetry. the last complement was the best i could ask for i think. :D ) Alarm, cuz some of you are genuinely findin it interestin . This is the next day. I had started writin the note, but the fever got to me n I jus slept. I'm still sick. Today its called you- wil -have-to-do-physics- inspite -of-this-loser-of-a-virus. Haven't told my parents bout it, cuz yesterday(adorable as they are) they got too worried, ...

16 th Sept 09. So is it just me or do other ppl also walk around thinkin in a talkin to urself manner? Like this question i posed, I had already thought to myself while washing my hands(had gone to pee. ok y u lookin at me like i'm a weirdo for sayin that? I mean EVERYONE pees. Except for those on dialysis, but they don't have a choice. Given a choice, they'd rather pee anyday . U could ask them if u don't believe me. Besides look at the good side. I do wash my hands. :D) Ugh. My apologies. (recall what bracketts are for) So anyway comin back to that question. Wait. Nah. Too boring. I haven't told u guys much bout the institute I'm studyin in n all na ? Wel , Its name is Bansal Classes. The story goes, that once upon a time, 3 guys left their jobs in chemical industries in Kota , cuz the company was dyin anyway, n those chemicals were fatal too, n they didn't really want to be around so much death, cuz if they had they'd have been patholo...

3:00 p.m 15th July, Sat. Its been a nice rainy day so far..n i'm on to my second post,(i probably didn't think i'd get this far, but then i probably didn't think that i'd end up in Kota) i'm still alien to the way ppl think around here, quite frankly i am kinda disgusted by their perception of women here, its like the men are sex starved, cuz they have pretty much never enjoyed a conversation wid the opposite, so they treat them like sex objects, the key to attaining which lies in earning lots of money through iit, n then goin to their parents and askin for marriage. And i'm talkin bout the teachers too, one of whom while explainin how to deal wid the mental block of not being able to solve difficult questions during an exam , told us how he would relax his mind by having water, " But u can't do that after every question, so i would just sit n look at some attractive objects in the room" , the word he used was 'aakarshaniya padaarth', ...