Unspoken Verses

Delusions as a concept exists because reality is supposedly shared. Because we have an idea of shared reality, we have the idea of delusions, and when people's realities go beyond or away from the shared reality, we call them delusions. And yet, how you go beyond shared realities is a very interesting topic in itself. On the one hand, there are the people who are creating their own realities everyday. Something made up out of the mind. And since that has happened, they are seeing something that no-one else is able to see, so the delusion seems obvious. On the other hand, there are the people who are able to see things others aren't. The very fundamental qualification of a leader is their ability to see. To perceive a possibility and visualize a path to it that others cannot. A leader is able to see the details of a possibility that others can't. An artist is able to see a picture in great detail in their mind, before they ever put it on paper. Don't get me wrong...

 So a lot of things happened. I am not sure where I left you guys the last time, but here's some updates. I have now been working at my big tech company for about 4 years. The plan was to do it for 3 years, then get out and work on something more meaningful to me. But there were a few more things that happened in between. I got into yoga and meditation big time for about 2 years.  It was the kind of getting into yoga and meditation, where people meet you after a few months, and do not recognize you, because you look different, you talk different, and you generally have a different air about you. I was deep enough, that I would wake up at 3:40 am everyday and sometimes be doing 2-3 hours of yoga a day before going into work. This one time I went 5 days while eating about 3 oranges, and 1 lunch -> that too was mainly because I got tired of the fact that I wasn't hungry. I also remember sitting at work one day looking very intently at my skip manager, and suddenly seeing the c...

Depression is not about being sad. Well, it's as much about being sad as having a cold is about sneezing. Sure, that's the most obvious symptom. But trying to fix depression by trying to make someone laugh or feel a bit better is about as effective as putting a finger under the nose to stop the sneezing. Okay, crappy analogy, sure, but the point I'm trying to drive is, that the very obvious sadness is just a consequence or a symptom of a deeper rooted problem. And the deeper rooted problem is that of disconnect. The kind of disconnect that prevents you from getting truly involved with life. Whether it comes from feeling that you're worse off than everything around you, or way smarter/better than everything around you. The result is the same. This lack of involvement in your life means, that all solutions that are tried, to pull you out, become ineffective because of the distance you maintain from everything. After everything passes, whether it's a great social...

I had the flowers delivered to my mom on Saturday morning, a day before mother's day. Cuz on Friday night, I thought, the next day was Sunday, mother's day. Tell me this happens to you folk too?

So this isn't a typical post which compares the two sexes and/or pits them up against each other, or their behaviour or so. I am a man, and a man's head is all I perceive, then again, there may be no such thing.. maybe it's people of different types. But there are certainly, some gender roles, women have broken out of many, but not men, and I don't think the male ego itself allows them to. So the idea that I'm walking towards is, vulnerability. I think, on their own, alone, single, men do/did not feel many things. There is a shield. You know, like rocks in a vessel of water, you throw it in, it makes a few waves, that bounce back from the vessel, and calm out soon enough. Men, who could be warriors, fighters, because, they had been able to, with the help of anger or sadness be insensitive, or numb to others, to their own pain, to not have compassion, to be, animalistic and fiery and merciless. To numb out their own pain into anger. And yet, inevitably, the wo...

Fuck it. I'm weird now. Hello all, I'm basically really brain dead for a while now, like I saw a movie in which some guy called this whole phase thing a melt down resulting from having worked too much for a while, and I'm hoping it's just that and nothing more. But not so sure. If I had to fit into that above theory, I'd say maybe the hard work from during the exams plus the sister's wedding(yea, that was a nice event in my life, my sister's gotten married. That room now solely belongs to me. :P) And then right after that college with the looming projects and personal goals I'd set for myself, is the combined cause for the meltdown. Then again, it might be cuz I don't really have much friends in Jaipur. Something screwed me up from Kota, and it had lingered at the start of my time in college, and so I stayed aloof enough, now, it's too late to be making friendships. And my old friends in Delhi, well, it's always great to meet them wh...

So I am stupid. Stupid as they come. I don't like people either. Cuz the other day, I randomly donated a hundred bucks to these young sardars, who were clearly out to dupe people, and were probably not collecting money for any charity as they claimed. WHY would I do something THAT stupid, that even a new born child in Delhi would probably know better than to do? I have no clue. But what was more annoying was probably, that the second sardar, who saw me being duped that easy, decided to try out his duping skills too. Cuz he started talking about Astrology, and face reading. I'm a cynic of the highest order, and it takes a believer to buy their bullshit. But, anyway, he made all those general statements that apply to practically the entire world's psyche, like "You over think stuff, and get entangled in that. Everything you've gotten so far in the world is your own hard work, not fate. You aim for the everest, and barely make it out your house. You are blunt a...

"WHY" do I not have anything interesting to say anymore? One of the best quotes I've come across in my life is : "Every general statement on life is false. Including this one" It simply says, nothing can be said. And yet something might (i.e. nothing can be said, not even about nothing being able to be said. - did that make any sense to you? Cuz it did to me)

So, I was talking to a friend the other day, about how I don't write on my blog anymore. I told her, I'm okay with my life, I don't have anything to say anymore. And it doesn't make sense to talk when you don't have anything to say. Well, I guess, I'm breaking my rule, cuz I don't have anything  to say, and yet I am. I'm in my hostel room right now, in college. My mind and body feel a little worn out. Over what, I'm not sure. At some point, maybe I don't even care, what I do want is to just get away from the wear and tear and get my energy back. I am very fond of this one person, and I guess, we had a bit of a fight, so that could be why. It's probably cuz I'm a lil hyper and screwed up from Kota. Anyhow, I realise that's pointless to fight about. Everyone goes down once in a while I know, but I need to pick myself up and dust off. anyway, talk about different stuff. So yea, I was watching the rap battles from Eminem y...

So you know what the best time to write or read or really even expand your talents and capabilities is? Exam time. Procrastination is defined as the art of the sudden realisation of the significance of various things which, up until that moment hadn't mattered, at a time when they shouldn't matter. courtesy: Hyperbole and a Half The interesting thing about this realisation is that the profoundness and interest generated by it is inversely proportional to their dullness at any other time and directly proportional to the significance of the issue which infact IS of prime importance at that time i.e. P f = I a / (D e ) P f - Procrastination-factor I a -Importance/Urgency of issue avoided (D e ) -Dullness of issue being entertained But by itself, procrastination is an art. It is important to fool the brain into believing that what you're doing at the moment, would qualify as constructive work, otherwise the brain may consciously realise that its being bull-shi...

Background: My current cellphone's display seems to be fried. So I basically  can't  access anything. Including contacts. Thus, I'm using an old phone for now, which has most of my contacts. On receiving a text from an unknown number Normal People: 1.Send a text saying, "Hey, I lost all my contacts, who is this?" Me: 1.Hook up the phone without the display to my laptop. 2.Use some software to access the contacts on the phone. 3.Search for the new number. 4.Not find it. 5.Send a text saying, "Hey, I lost all my contacts, who is this?"

That I'm the cocky young intern at a media company, who comes in 3 days a week wearing t-shirts which say stuff like General Alcoholic. Drunk Since 1947. And puts on headphones and listens to music while doing his work. Gee, I think I've turned into an arrogant piece of crap. I think I'll enjoy it while I can. I'm gonna go back to the sober sweet guy soon enough anyway. HATE his guts btw.

So, this is day number 2 for me at work. For the uninformed - which is all of you - I just joined an internship at a media company. This is how the interview went: Interviewer Guy Who'd Eventually Be My BOSS: Hey, Sam-writes (Well  actually my real name, and even though all of you pretty much do know it, I just have this obsessive compulsive need to pretend this is an anonymous blog. Please bear with it.) So tell me what really is SW, how do you define SW. Me: * Uhm... whaaaat?* Well, I am what you see, I like to do a lot of diverse things..uhmm..*stare around* , I play the guitar, I play basketball, I breakdance, I love programming..- IGWEBMB: Yea, now, I found that pretty surprising, not many programmers get involved in stuff like that. Me: Yea well, I was always in the middle, I was a cool guy with the nerd people, and a nerd with the cool people. *Seriously Sam? Is that you talkin?* IGWEBMB:*uhmm.. yeaa* alright, so I have a question for you, and we'll see how...

I think its amazing, how your ability to procrastinate is like 93847123746 times more during exams. Thats not a random number, I really mean that the ability to procrastinate increases, ninety three billion eight hundred four seventy one million one hundred twenty three thousand seven hundred and forty six times. I mean seriously. Like right about now, I came up with a random number, spent time trying to figure out what that number was, wrote it in words, and then lied that it wasn't actually random. I mean sometime back, I was so bored, that I decided to search google for google. I kinda hoped it would show a page saying, dude, wth? But it didn't. Google just looked itself up on the internet. Its kinda like goin to a person named bazingadoa: hey bazingadoa, who's bazingadoa? I used that name, cuz its not a very common name. The reason probably being that its not a name. Anyway, I sound high on sugar. I should go and atleast attempt to study. Bye.

As I stood there waiting I thought I was hating But baby oh Baby, I can't never hate thee Because even when you're not there I can't help but care You're a spastic pain Suffocating rain so far from sane a fucking mistake And I convince you, I'm not there That I don't really care And I'll stay away You won't hear my name Cuz even I'm insane Almost love the pain But you should still know That even though we can't go down that lane I'll always care, even when you're not there.

Okay, so when I was a kid, like really small and stupid, whenever someone said happy birthday to me, I used to say same to you. Now, It’s all stupid and shit I know, but my theory is that, my brain interpreted it as an inflow of positive wishes, and I probably wanted to reciprocate those wishes. I know that I suck at receiving compliments. I mean, again they're an inflow of positive wishes, and very often the person who compliments, after passing the compliment waits for the reaction. Usually, I respond with some varied and lame version of same to you. But it doesn't work under all situations. Then again, I may go into an explanation of how its not all to my credit, how other factors had a role in the awesomeness you're complimenting, and try to shift around the credit. except, very often it comes off as superficial and sometimes, if put badly enough, arrogance. I may try to be funny and say stuff like, Thats because I'm freakin AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! But that wears off...

An inquiry has revealed that the Indian Consulate in Chicago was guilty of a major security lapse while issuing visas to Tahawwur Rana, a Pakistani-Canadian arrested by the FBI for allegedly plotting terror strikes in India and his wife . Haha!

So, the more I meet, the sooner they break up. The only reason the graph pics up at the end is because, number of times we met/meet must be

One of my physics teachers, once said - about mathematics - "Maths is a very illogical subject. Its all theory, and doesn't make much real sense. Its only useful as a tool for solving physics etc." And I couldn't agree more. I was good at physics and sucked at maths. I mean seriously. In all of maths whenever 1 has been raised to any power, big or small, positive or negative, whole number or fraction, it has always consistently and diligently returned 1 as the answer. And yet somehow, 1 raised to power infinity is not defined. Imaginary numbers - some hyperenthusiastic maths guy probably realised, "root of negative 1 doesn't exist eh?...hmm ah well, i'll pretend it does and write a shitload of theory on it." Then coming to geometry- "2 imaginary lines may have a real point of intersection." - I mean seriously, are you kiddin me? Aren't the lines imaginary? And then I realised that the flaw lies in our perception of logic. Noth...

He stared up at the ceiling of his coffin. There were bricks on his chest. No wonder it was so hard to get up. He closed his eyes some more. Darkness. Comforting and stable. He opened his eyes and with a summon of strength, removed the quilt from his body. Sitting up on his bed, he looked past the dingy walls of his room and peered into the mirror ahead. They called him Wolverine. A nickname coined because of his hair, beard and a largely serious demeanour. He stared at the image in the mirror. Lately, the scars had stopped healing. Must be the cold ... He looked at his knuckles. The holes where the claws had retracted, still visible ... He went and stood in front of the mirror and folded his arms to his chest, with his knuckles facing inwards. His claws shot out. Followed by blood. He retracted. There was pain, but what was more profound, and even enjoyable was the adrenaline. The strong rush of adrenaline. He observed as his body washed out all other thoughts from his head, focussing...