Unspoken Verses

 So a lot of things happened. I am not sure where I left you guys the last time, but here's some updates. I have now been working at my big tech company for about 4 years. The plan was to do it for 3 years, then get out and work on something more meaningful to me. But there were a few more things that happened in between. I got into yoga and meditation big time for about 2 years.  It was the kind of getting into yoga and meditation, where people meet you after a few months, and do not recognize you, because you look different, you talk different, and you generally have a different air about you. I was deep enough, that I would wake up at 3:40 am everyday and sometimes be doing 2-3 hours of yoga a day before going into work. This one time I went 5 days while eating about 3 oranges, and 1 lunch -> that too was mainly because I got tired of the fact that I wasn't hungry. I also remember sitting at work one day looking very intently at my skip manager, and suddenly seeing the c...

Depression is not about being sad. Well, it's as much about being sad as having a cold is about sneezing. Sure, that's the most obvious symptom. But trying to fix depression by trying to make someone laugh or feel a bit better is about as effective as putting a finger under the nose to stop the sneezing. Okay, crappy analogy, sure, but the point I'm trying to drive is, that the very obvious sadness is just a consequence or a symptom of a deeper rooted problem. And the deeper rooted problem is that of disconnect. The kind of disconnect that prevents you from getting truly involved with life. Whether it comes from feeling that you're worse off than everything around you, or way smarter/better than everything around you. The result is the same. This lack of involvement in your life means, that all solutions that are tried, to pull you out, become ineffective because of the distance you maintain from everything. After everything passes, whether it's a great social...

2+2=4 is a fact. A universal fact. an absolute fact one would say. But informationally (if I may make my own words) speaking, it is limited. Let me be a bit clearer. Someone, somewhere, someday wrote an equation, 2x + 3y = 5; they tried multiple values of x and y, and found that it looked like a line. Someone else, tried out another equation, 3x + 8y = 24, and they realized this equation also looked like a line when it was plotted. Someone then tried this with a few more numbers and realized, that a line looks like this ax + by = c where a,b,c are constants, and x,y are real numbers. This new equation with variables, was informationally superior to 2+2=4. It related a set of numbers instead of just a couple of specific numbers, and it defined properties of theirs. However, it added variables, or uncertain numbers to the equation, and for it to be true, it defined domains for those variables. Thus, one could argue, trading off certainty or even even absolute-ness for informat...

I've been watching your world from afar, I've been trying to be where you are, And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen. To me, you're strange and you're beautiful, You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see, You turn every head but you don't see me. I'll put a spell on you, You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you. And when I wake you, I'll be the first thing you see, lyric's top And you'll realise that you love me. Yeah... Yeah... Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first, Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes, And I know, the waiting is all you can do, Sometimes... I'll put a spell on you, You'll fall asleep, I'll put a spell on you, And when I wake you, I'll be the first thing you see, And you'll realise that you love me. I'll put a spell on you, You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you, And when I wake you, I'l...

So this isn't a typical post which compares the two sexes and/or pits them up against each other, or their behaviour or so. I am a man, and a man's head is all I perceive, then again, there may be no such thing.. maybe it's people of different types. But there are certainly, some gender roles, women have broken out of many, but not men, and I don't think the male ego itself allows them to. So the idea that I'm walking towards is, vulnerability. I think, on their own, alone, single, men do/did not feel many things. There is a shield. You know, like rocks in a vessel of water, you throw it in, it makes a few waves, that bounce back from the vessel, and calm out soon enough. Men, who could be warriors, fighters, because, they had been able to, with the help of anger or sadness be insensitive, or numb to others, to their own pain, to not have compassion, to be, animalistic and fiery and merciless. To numb out their own pain into anger. And yet, inevitably, the wo...

Fuck it. I'm weird now. Hello all, I'm basically really brain dead for a while now, like I saw a movie in which some guy called this whole phase thing a melt down resulting from having worked too much for a while, and I'm hoping it's just that and nothing more. But not so sure. If I had to fit into that above theory, I'd say maybe the hard work from during the exams plus the sister's wedding(yea, that was a nice event in my life, my sister's gotten married. That room now solely belongs to me. :P) And then right after that college with the looming projects and personal goals I'd set for myself, is the combined cause for the meltdown. Then again, it might be cuz I don't really have much friends in Jaipur. Something screwed me up from Kota, and it had lingered at the start of my time in college, and so I stayed aloof enough, now, it's too late to be making friendships. And my old friends in Delhi, well, it's always great to meet them wh...

So, I was talking to a friend the other day, about how I don't write on my blog anymore. I told her, I'm okay with my life, I don't have anything to say anymore. And it doesn't make sense to talk when you don't have anything to say. Well, I guess, I'm breaking my rule, cuz I don't have anything  to say, and yet I am. I'm in my hostel room right now, in college. My mind and body feel a little worn out. Over what, I'm not sure. At some point, maybe I don't even care, what I do want is to just get away from the wear and tear and get my energy back. I am very fond of this one person, and I guess, we had a bit of a fight, so that could be why. It's probably cuz I'm a lil hyper and screwed up from Kota. Anyhow, I realise that's pointless to fight about. Everyone goes down once in a while I know, but I need to pick myself up and dust off. anyway, talk about different stuff. So yea, I was watching the rap battles from Eminem y...

Look Sharp. All he sees is fog, dense white Diffused light, In the jet black night. Open eyes, And useless sight. Inability to see paths, Wrong from right. He does try, But cannot fight. It's mist after all, Dense yet light. Blinding mist, And useless might. Closed eyes, And there he lies; Waiting for a better time.

During swimming lessons, while going from one shore to another, I would paddle for a distance, and as soon as I saw the shore/ end of the swimming pool being within my floating range, I would stop paddling, and wait, as I floated towards the end. There, I could just hang, safe; and regain my strength and energy for another paddle. I'm floating home this weekend.

That I'm the cocky young intern at a media company, who comes in 3 days a week wearing t-shirts which say stuff like General Alcoholic. Drunk Since 1947. And puts on headphones and listens to music while doing his work. Gee, I think I've turned into an arrogant piece of crap. I think I'll enjoy it while I can. I'm gonna go back to the sober sweet guy soon enough anyway. HATE his guts btw.

You've seen me nice You've seen my nice But you pushed too hard Now see my vice, Bitch see my knife All covered in ice All ready to come Take away your life My light is white My dark is black Won't make up for the things you lack Bitch no more slack I'm done with that I would've let pass the 8 chances you had But you came back Sayin you love me That we were meant together to be And stupid me cuz I believed In your sweet words And sincerity But look at me Look in my eyes As I put my dagger through your life and your eyes stay shut expecting steel cut And I advance to induce fear Then, just don't care to come any near.

Its so mad sometimes A mix of contradictions Those who live know life's stranger than fiction And in the end it doesn't matter the pain the loss the gain Cuz what does remain are the stories, the feelings the adrenaline the decisions made by you and the decisions that even made you. Cuz in the end you not only live, but survive.

Haha! :P

So, the more I meet, the sooner they break up. The only reason the graph pics up at the end is because, number of times we met/meet must be

If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters. - Alan K. Simpson You know, at the end of the day, you really learn a lot more from failure than you do from success. Its simple. When you find a method that doesn't work, you start searching for one that does. On the way you gain an understanding of how things work. You observe your actions and their consequences - disattached from both, and with a lot more objectivity. You understand that the failure won't define you. You learn to respect both success as well as failure, and you learn to fear neither. If you go deeper, you might even realise that success is, but a word. That when you weren't looking deep enough, it was something big, but when you did, you realised that (in the general sense of the word as used by the society) its just society appreciation. So while to one person, success maybe appreciation from the society, to another, it could just be a sense of satisfac...

One of my physics teachers, once said - about mathematics - "Maths is a very illogical subject. Its all theory, and doesn't make much real sense. Its only useful as a tool for solving physics etc." And I couldn't agree more. I was good at physics and sucked at maths. I mean seriously. In all of maths whenever 1 has been raised to any power, big or small, positive or negative, whole number or fraction, it has always consistently and diligently returned 1 as the answer. And yet somehow, 1 raised to power infinity is not defined. Imaginary numbers - some hyperenthusiastic maths guy probably realised, "root of negative 1 doesn't exist eh?...hmm ah well, i'll pretend it does and write a shitload of theory on it." Then coming to geometry- "2 imaginary lines may have a real point of intersection." - I mean seriously, are you kiddin me? Aren't the lines imaginary? And then I realised that the flaw lies in our perception of logic. Noth...